January 2012
“Nice dress, sparkletits.”
– Kelly, re: my NYE disco ball dress
December 2011
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Nearly 6am CST is a totally appropriate time to be...
Right?
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“Satisfaction” - Cat Power (Orig. by...
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“Green Gloves” - The National
Dating An Emotionally Abusive Man →
Sometimes I hate Thought Catalog. Actually, I usually hate Thought Catalog. But this piece just kind of…got me a little in my chestpiece.
The part about hoarding compliments and nice gestures. The part about making excuses for bad behavior or neglect. The part about regret and superior attitudes and mood swings and looking for hints and hope in nice gestures and hating yourself.
They all...
I may or may not have just purchased and consumed...
JUDGE AWAY, INTERNET.
IT’S 3:30AM CST AND I’M HAMMERED.
veintebri asked: YOU KNOW GOOD MUSIC. MARRRRYYY MEEEE
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Re: Salon Experiences
Kristin: It's the best salon, they treat you like you're at a fucking spa when all they're doing is washing your hair. They turn off all the lights and put on nice music and spend a good TEN MINUTES just shampooing your hair and doing the whole scalp/neck/shoulder massage bit. And it's like, really intense and kind of sexual. You kind of want to start making out with the person who's washing your hair.
Stacey: Holy shit. I could get on board with that.
Kristin: Yeah. And when it's over, you just feel...like a million bucks. Like you just had the best sex of your life. Like you just got through a gang bang.
Stacey: You feel like a million bucks after a GANG BANG?
Kristin: A gang bang of the best sex of your life.
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“This Blackest Purse” - WHY?
...
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Prescription For A Good Monday Night:
Chicken cooked in butter with Bourbon/Wine/Dijon/Cream/Chive sauce
Garlic mashed red potatoes
Snow peas with shallots and butter and lemon
Cookies from some famous Italian bakery
White wine
Sleater-Kinney
The Weeknd
Gayngs
Kissing on the mouth
Etc.
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I got an email from my gym asking me to rate my...
As the only thing I truly dislike at X-Sport is the music I am considering sending the following response:
Who in the actual fuck is responsible for the music selection in this gym? NO ONE wants to lift or run or ANYTHING to a Justin Bieber slow jam.
Melissa Ethridge? One Republic? Kings Of Leon? WHAT IN THE SHIT ARE YOU ALL THINKING? None of that says “Work out” but some of that...
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“Cool Waves” - Spiritualized
Nothing...
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Christmas talk.
Stacey: You and Adam gonna do anything tomorrow?
Justin: Not that I know of. Maybe watch a movie. Kill a hobo. Something like that.
Stacey: Light a fire. Light the dead hobo on fire. Etc.
Justin: Well yeah. So other hobos don't get cold. Or go hungry. We're very giving.
Stacey: I've always said that. "Those Valmassois are givers."
Justin: Everyone at the clinic says so too.
Stacey: *bah dum tsss*
Justin: "I'll be here all week. No autographs."
Stacey: "Try the veal and tip your server."
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“X-Mas Cake” - Rilo Kiley
Move into...
“Something you sit on or crap out.”
– Me.
I am the grand master of Catchphrase. The answer was “Stool.”
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Current Topics Of Conversation At Family X-Mas...
Trannies
Greek Food
Specifically: Tiropitas
Costco vs. Sam’s Club
My cousin Nick’s dental mission to the Honduras
How my cousin got his nose broken on NYE a few years ago by some Hispanic dude in Pilsen
College applications
Trannies again
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jusqualafin replied to your photo: If you can’t wear sequins for Christmas…
I’m from the sequins all day every day school of thought.
AMEN, SISTER.
The other night, a boy (the same boy that baked me a pie, if you’re keeping track) told me that he loved my skin while tracing an index finger up and down my spine as I drifted off to sleep.
That it (my skin) was luxuriant and exotic.
And I all but burst into tears because my skin is horrible. It’s been horrible since I was 12 - and I’m 27. Which means 15 years of horrible...
Anonymous asked: Curves & Nerves. Would it be possible to see some of your curves?
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“Lucky” - Radiohead
My dad drove into...
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On Thinking You Have No Money When You Maybe Do
I got laid off in December of 2009, something like a week before Christmas, which was pretty cool except for that part about not being cool at all. But whatever, I got on Unemployment and worked a few days a week at a bar to supplement it and hunted for new jobs and cooked a lot of gourmet food and had a lot of sexy sex with my boyfriend and joined a gym and blogged a lot and wasn’t horribly...
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“It’s like a tire fire in your mouth.”
– Tankboy to Derek last night, re: Malort
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aubreyjane replied to your photoset: Sometimes the internet (John, Derek, Jim) visits…
Hey! I’m friends with one half of your Internet!
No kidding? Which half?
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