“Slow Burn” - Doom Tree Stakes are...
Wow! So, you just take the slice of… what is that? Kraft? Kraft, yes! Gotta go...– Guy Fieri, narrating the disgusting food that I just shoved into my mouth. (via thenewhotness) I spit beer all over my keyboard when I read this. Josh, you owe me a keyboard.
If it fucks up your life and it doesn’t need to, there is no reason for...– Me I said this to Jen this morning regarding the fact that her CTA card has all but stopped working to the point where she almost has to give the turnstile a handjob to get the damn thing to register. I told her to get a new card and she said something to the extent of, “Well, they’re...
The best children's book of 2011
ferociousj: THE ANGRIEST BABY “Names For Things” might be my new favorite thing until I find another new favorite thing.
Justin: Why does bacon smell so good?
Stacey: Probably because it's made of bacon.
I just paid off a TWO THOUSAND DOLLAR credit card...
Those fancy dinner and zipcar rentals add the fuck up FAST. Someone hold me? And maybe buy me a beer?
“Suffragette (SP?)” - Passage If you...
Back in the day, Jen and I had a "No Self-Invites"...
I am going to murder everything.
Let’s pretend that you are a freelance graphic designer who does a lot of package design work. You work to create 3D renderings and flat dies based on direction given from an agency that illustrate a way of thinking and an overall concept and you’ve been doing this for years and years so you pretty much know your shit. Got it? Now, assuming that this is the case - WOULDN’T IT...
My friend Emily lives less than one mile from me - I’m midway between Irving and Montrose and she’s just north of Lawrence, and we’re both right off Damen. It’s a 15-20 minute walk, depending on traffic. DESPITE THIS, it took me an hour and a half to get home last night because my idiot dog hates rain and trying to get her to walk in it is like trying to tell a...
Anonymous asked: What do you want most in the world?
“Expiration Date” - Blockhead I have...
So I asked TWO ex-boyfriends if I am, as I feared,...
And apparently, apart from the occasional hypnic jerk, I am not thrashy in my sleep. HUGE FUCKING RELIEF.
The problem with navy blue eyeliner is that if you...
Nate: You'd probably be a really good teacher. You don't take any bullshit from people.
Stacey: Nah, I hate children too much.
Nate: That's actually a really good point - most of those kids are *wretched.*
Apparently there is a method behind the madness at...
cara-ann: IKEA products are identified by single word names. Most of the names are Swedish in origin. Although there are some notable exceptions, most product names are based on a special naming system developed by IKEA. Upholstered furniture, coffee tables, rattan furniture, bookshelves, media storage, doorknobs: Swedish placenames Beds, wardrobes, hall furniture: Norwegian place names ...
My grandmother on my mother’s side has five sisters because it is against the law for Greek families to have less than four children. One of these sisters is named Athena because it is illegal for Greek families to give their children names that are not INCREDIBLY Greek. Anyway, Athena is my favorite of my great aunts because she is insane. Like, crazy old ethnic lady INSANE. She used to be a big...
Adam: I'm already friends with the hatefuckable.
Stacey: Hatefuckable as a specific group of people?
Adam: Yes, I have a Google+ Circle called Hatefuckable.
Stacey: Like, do you have a Google+ Circle entitled "Hatefuckable"?
Stacey: OH MY GOD GET OUT OF MY BRAIN.
He loved her, he loved her, and until he’d loved her she had never minded being...– Truman Capote
FYI: The office is the best place to cry.
Bonus points if it’s in front of your boss.
“Opulent Soul” - Restiform Bodies I...
“Alors On Danse” - Stromae